Are We Enough?

“I'll just tell you this: only if there are angels in your head will you, possibly, see one.” 

~ Mary Oliver

I am here to remind your head and heart that however you show up this season, it’s enough. Mary Oliver beautifully reminds us that unless our internal dialogue is one of loving kindness, as if an angel is whispering in our head,  we may miss the magic. 

When I teach self-compassion (a.k.a angel in our head) I present the idea that we are whole just as we are. That we are enough. This often evokes resistance and a belief this would be “letting ourselves off the hook”. There are fears one will discontinue the growth process, that we won't try as hard. It’s very common to question whether you are deserving of unconditional acceptance. Have you ever heard yourself say things like “once I have/achieve/look like X, then I’ll feel good.” Or even, “I can have this slice of cake, because I ran this morning.” When our worth and freedom is contingent on anything, we constrict. 

So how do we release the constriction? How do we accept ourselves as we are and still be motivated to grow? Good news. The research clearly points to self-compassion as a motivator and critical or contingency based strategies as a de-motivator. So ironically, the fear that self-compassion prevents growth is quite the opposite, self-criticism prevents growth! Consider this: when our worth is no longer contingent on external factors we are more likely to take risks and move towards our values. Through self-acceptance, a fear of failure becomes a mere whisper. Furthermore, when we feel tenderness to ourselves we regulate the nervous system and are less likely to self soothe with bad habits. Treating yourself with reverence will move you towards healthy choices about and promote joy.

So let's focus on “enoughness” this month. When doubt or criticism arises, remind yourself that a Fir tree does not sit around wondering if it is reaching for the sun the “right way”, or chastise itself when it drops it's leaves later than his neighbor. Just as you need not worry if your house is tidy or your gifts are just right. These have no bearing on your worth or belonging. In regards to growth, as you engage with this practice you will begin to see that the angel in your head reminds you to take care of yourself. I am enough and I am impacted by my ecosystem. The Pine tree needs rain and soil to grow, just like we require a set of conditions to thrive. Our water is self-compassion and our soil is authentic connection, and the sun is the light within us all. Your ecosystem is the foundation of your life - if it is healthy, you will grow.