Compassion Based Goal Setting

"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished." 

- Lao Tzu

6th Century Chinese Philosopher

Dear Head & Heart Community,

Happy New Year! In our culture this is often a time for reflection and goal setting. This is a powerful  and useful practice, yet as Lao Tzu teaches, "nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished." It is important to take time to listen to what we need and trust the process of change. Be kind to yourself when there are inevitable slips to old habits or behaviors. Our culture often operates from the deficit model, the belief we need X to be different, or Y and we'll be happy. This elicits fear when we perceive we are not those things - and fear leads to unhealthy habits. What if we approached this year with compassion?

What are Compassion based goals? 
A compassion perspective is to approach our goals in the service of nurturing ourselves and our health. When we apply this framework our internal dialogue comes from a place of love and support. A common misconception of compassion is that we are "letting ourselves off the hook" or being overly permissive with ourselves and others. This is not the case. Compassion is honest, fierce and strong.

Compassion is Empathy + Action. Consider these two components as you move towards intentions for the new year.  Remember, you are human and you are trying. Let's say your goal is to exercise daily or show more patience. When you slip, offer empathy to yourself and note internally "Change takes time, I can do this". This releases hormones in the body such as oxytocin, which promotes safety. Freeing up energy to move you towards what you care about. Then focus on taking action towards your goal, and begin again. Just like nature, trust the process. If there is self-criticism or shaming, cortisol (the stress hormone) is released in the body decreasing motivation and hope. The gift of Lao Tzu’s wisdom: we need to slow down and make space for transformation to occur. It will happen naturally, as long as we let it!

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” - Lao Tzu

When we drop the external measurements, we actually may become what we "...might be." The potential is boundless. Be gentle with yourself and stay with it. 

With Compassion,
Ellen Slater, LICSW, RYT
Founder